Is there a happy medium?

Hmmm. I don't really know what to make of the last few days. Jo. Philly. I miss them both, the same and different. I talk to Jo for hours, on the phone not texting, every other day or so. I see Philly almost every night. Yet I can't get past the thought that I am missing something in translation?

I have said before that I would like to take the best of both boys and make one man out of them. I hope that science is working on that!

Philly can sense that I am a bit off with him. Up until last night he hasn't really pushed it. I don't know what to tell him, the truth. That I can't see myself having a future with him? Is that truly how I feel about?

Jo wants me to fly out to Indiana and see him in the next month or so. I would love to see him! I have been trying to talk myself into going out on a limb, away from my comfort zone and to Indiana. What if all that is standing in the way of us being together is a confirmation from me that I am willing to put in some effort. I am not saying that I would fly out there and he would propose, only that sometimes, you need to know that it is not all for nothing.

Well once again I am dangling from the tight rope of my circus, with all the clowns pointing and laughing.-V