This blogs silence has not been intentional. I have been battling how to make the story of my weekend witty and smart. The problem is that there is just no way to do that.
It is all to easy for me to fall back into my old habits. The particular habit is Dave. Seeing him makes my heart flip flop in my chest. Oh, I am such a big talker. Like I really ever fell out of the Dave habit.
I hate this feeling. I can't shake the way that I feel about him and I can't do a damn thing about it. I saw him this weekend and like I am sure I have said before-when he hugged me I don't think that my feet were on the ground. It just feels so secure and so right. We hung out all night, playing the wii and just having a great time. I didn't even bring the topic of "us" up. It was all him this time. I'm tired of the same game and the same way it hurts all the way through me when he tells me that we can't ever be anything because he is afraid to break my heart. It breaks when he says those words. We have the same conversation every time we see each other. It always ends the same. Why do I put myself through it? What is the matter with me? It's the same tired game that he runs every time. Why can't I just walk the hell away?
I feel like an idiot. I haven't exactly waited around for him in the sense that I have been out with other guys. None of them make me feel the way that he does. I gotta figure out how to get over him. I can't keep doing this. He is hardly ever around that should make it easier. But I know that it won't. Stupid me.-V
1 comment:
You're not an idiot, you're an addict! Anything like this just takes time and will power, in that order. One day you'll look back and marvel that you ever cared about this one at all, and when you do it'll just feel great because it will remind you how strong you are.
xxx
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