I think that I may have figured some things out, not on my own by any means. C, Newbie and Bulldog have helped immensely! The advice and comments you have given are greatly appreciated. Thank You!
I have figured out that the way I think things should go and the way that they do are totally different. I don't have control of them. No matter how hard I try. It still pisses me off! I am going to lay low and take it easy, just let things happen as they do.
I also get the idea that there was something that was missed in translation with Andy. You know the first part of the relationship where you learn about each other? When you genuinely want to know how someones day was. Skimming the surface of your personalities. The getting to know you phase. It's after that has been accomplished that the little embarrassing things come out and you feel more comfortable with the other person. The getting to know you phase shouldn't be one sided. It's a joint thing. If one person puts in all the effort, or in my case, calls and says how was your day just to start bitching about how his was worse, you miss learning about each other.
When you skip that and go right to the I know you phase, the other person is hurt and resentful. And all the deeper issues that you want to discuss are lost on the other person because at this point I don't really know you well enough to care what color your puke was. Or the exact play by play of your day from the time you woke up and you were hungry so you cooked pancakes. And then you took your antibiotics, and then went to work only to get really light headed and almost fall off your ladder. I don't know you well enough to care! I have tried and it is only making it worse for the both of us.
I was in a relationship for 3 years with a man the was totally dependant on me to do it all, I don't think that he could even tie his shoes by himself. I was young and thought that was the way that it should be. I got out and realized that it is about give and take and communication. I am scared of falling into the same thing when Andy needs so much attention right off the bat.
I am going to take a few days off from Andy. I told him that I need a break to think about things. I am going to go out and have fun with my friends and not worry about tomorrow cuz I'm done sweating the small shit.-V
1 comment:
Dear...V
relationships must be a two persons effort..but in my knowlage of the male gender..i really don't think that they come equipt to really give theirside of the whole thing ..meaning the relationship..why i couldn't tell you..i have some thoughts..let me share them with you...When we say how was your day dear...they tell us right..well do you think that after they ramble on about thier day it would come next ..How was your day..NO..it dosent come..i think women are build with this mothering or shall i say this need to make everything better in everything that surrounds them..and men are just not built to be this way..i think its there because i have seen it..but its only after they have pushed as away so much that we are now in a zone that they do not relize..or we at that time are not catering to every whim they have that they are so use to us fussing over..if you go back in every relationship that you have had think about how even the emotional side really has been...not that im man bashing because im not..but there has to be something in the make up of us both that women are more put more into a relationship than men..Im right there with you I get so sick of having to be the one that keeps things going...its hard
just some rambeling of my mind..
scarlett
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