Dave, the saga. Part two.

I still don't know where he was for the longest time. I was too tough to let on that I was so sad and missed him so much. I mean we weren't together or anything. He was my best friend. A few months later the hurt turned to anger. How could he do that to me? Just disappear without a trace for months?

He finally did resurface. I put on my best bitch face and met him head on. He admitted to me that he ran out of fear. He thought that I deserved better than him. He is such a genuine person, I could see the sincerity in his eyes. He admitted that he had missed me terrible. I told him how abandoned I felt. He felt really bad about it. He had been a traveler all his life and got ants in his pants when he had been in one place for too long. He told me how bad it had hurt him to just leave. How he thought about me all the time. How he would try and see my point of view, in that I think that I should get a choice in if I think someone is good enough or not. We talked until the sun came up. The familiar comfort had come back. That was a few months ago. Other than the occasional call, we have just gone along our ways, separately.

Since then we have pretty much skirted the topic of "us". How ironic that the conversation is so easy between us and we can't talk about it? Fast forward to Sunday night.

He calls me at 10pm we are on the phone until 4:30am. I know how sophomoric it sounds, let me explain. As I have already said, conversation is easy for us. The real tip of the iceberg is that we actually talked about "us". Not that anything really got solved, but I know where he is coming from and vice verse. He had been at the bar for a couple of hours, "trying to drink me away". He wishes that he weren't in the situation that he is in. Some sort of FBI-CIA shit. He has to go when they call him, no questions asked. I already knew what he could tell me about this stuff. There I go again sounding like a child, all fantasy and shit. I have actually seen proof of this being for real. You know how it goes now, if I tell you I will have to kill you. lol OK so that part is bullshit, but really, he does top secret stuff. You know military.
The basics of that part of the conversation were....he doesn't want to be the one that breaks my heart, that makes me hate all men. That's easy enough, it's already been done by someone else. He wants me to find someone that is around all the time. Well, I tried that it didn't last very long. I am not the kind of person that needs or wants someone around all the time. (See-Jason in the post below.) He is afraid of letting me in and then something happening to him. I am already scared about that. I just can't make him see that you can't spend your life living in fear. You have to go about it like today might be your last, make the most of it. He told me that I am the only girl that he has slept in the same bed with and actually slept without the nightmares. This guy has seen some pretty nasty stuff. He was listening to the rain at his place wishing that I was there and not 6 hours away.
I told him my theory about him taking off. Running. I do it the best! I should know that's what he did. That's where the part about being alike gets to be a bad thing. One of us is going to have to give in, and not run away. I think that I already have? I told him that I had not been waiting for him all this time only that, after you have a relationship like we did, you have seen how great it is and you can't go back to the way they were before.
The rest of the time on the phone skipped easily from one topic to another. Politics, religion, injuries, family, and economics. We could have solved all the worlds problems in that phone call.
Guess I just hold my breath and wait for him. Listen to me prattle on like an old maid....I have been sober for too many days in a row. I better fix that problem tonight.-V