whatev.

Is it horrible that I am really glad that Christmas is over? It was filled with love and family and heartbreak and pain. I am thankful that another holiday has come and gone. I am not a Grinch, really. There are just some things that had to be dealt with. I have finally scaled that peak and can move on with my existence.


In other news, I am an idiot. I waited with great anticipation for Dave to at least call this weekend. Of course he didn't. Why would he change now? I should have known. He does this every time, he tells me he is in love with me and then runs away like a scared child. Duh.


Remember when I blew Jace off? Well turns out that he is an asshole and he is really mad that I won't go out with him again. Our group got together to have a Christmas Eve party. He was invited, but he wouldn't come because he thought it would be awkward. What is the deal with boys? It is possible to be friends, I know this because I have done it before. Whatev. It's not my problem it's his.


Justin*...Oh, all things that are holy. How about hot and a grown-up. I didn't think that it could happen. So what if it takes someone that is 8 years older to be on the same wave length as me? Nothing like a little hook-up to beat the holiday blues. So far he is great. Best part is that he is stationed in San Fransisco. His parents live here and he wants to move back when he gets out of the Coast Guard** in a few years. I have realized that I have much better luck with guys that either don't live here or the ones that are OK with my Independence. I just can't be with someone that won't let me be, me. Perhaps I like living in fairyland? I just know that there is someone out there for me and I won't have to be anything but me to be happy. Compromise not settle.


I am building up a sense of indifference. You know the relationship kind? I like Justin, but whatev. I like Dave, but again, whatev. I want a relationship, then again I kinda don't. I'm sure my way of thinking of late has to relate to the past few 'mini' relationships. 'Mini' because they weren't real relationships. I couldn't get past the first few weeks with either of them. I laugh when I tell B that I have successfully struck out with 3 attempts at relationships in a month and half's time. I am amused by it, by the way that I am. Which really is not amusing to anyone but me. Ah well, I am the one that matters. T and R have been taking my personal life all too seriously lately. Can't they see that I don't want to make the same mistakes as them? It sounds so harsh. Yet it is the truth. How many times have I written a post like this?


I love my friends and really couldn't make it with out them. They save my ass on a regular basis. I just can't take relationship advice from them. One of their saves of epic proportion came this weekend. Really it is a save that they have done a million times, they have it almost perfect now. D5...can't seem to keep it together. As if we don't notice his pattern. He sees that I am having fun with a guy and he has to try and sabotage it for me. He always gets in a huge fight with his fiance, then calls me to come and get him. Justin and I were at R and B's house with T and J after the bar closed on Friday night. D5 had been at the bar earlier in the evening. Sure enough about 2am the texts started coming in. I ignored them. Then the calls started. I ignored those too. Then wonder of all wonders, but who would appear? Yup, he came to R and B's house. Luckily T is a quick thinker. She called one of D5's buddies and had him shipped out of the house before there was a fight. Justin is really mild mannered, until you piss him off. D5 acts like a child and when I couldn't wander away from him fast enough he would tap me on the side of the head and mess up my hair. Yes I am neurotic, one of my biggest pet peeves is touching my hair. (Unless of course it is in the throws of passion, then mess it the hell up!) None-the-less I was irritated and then Justin was irritated that D5 was being a dick. T saved D5 from an ass whipping, I almost wish she wouldn't have:) If I keep Justin around long enough, the chance will come again.-V