the male lead looks at the female lead and the music heightens

I have had a few great ideas lately. Well I think they are anyway. I will however be vetoed, I am sure. I think that my crazy has faded just a tiny bit? My neurosis has taken a little vacay? Not totally moved out but a little more absent than usual. It only took about 12 hours to get over Justin leaving. I mean the part where I feel like my future is slipping away because he is perfect for me. Oh, don't listen to that part it's just that little bit of crazy coming through. It just seems that when I find someone that I mesh with they gotta go. I don't do consciously. I really don't. I am sure that I don't pick them just because they live a few states away. I really do want some sort of a relationship one of these days. It's just not going to be today. Because he left again. Sorry this all makes sense in my head, well sort of.

I can't believe that this morsel of me being a complete idiot isn't already on this blog. I feel like airing dirty laundry, I mean how else do you get the stench of regret out? So when Justin was here (this time). Some stuff happened in the bedroom. Not the full Monte or anything, because for that moment we were both idiots. So things get hot and heavy and the grand finale is coming up and it is one of those moments that happen on TV, when the female lead and the male lead ask each other if they have a condom? Then the music heightens while they look at each other and there is a silence when they both say "no, don't you?" Yup it was just like that. Much to my dismay. I am not going to say that the alternative was not good, but its the difference between a king size bed and a twin air mattress.

Fast forward to this month when I know he is coming to town. Both R and T mentioned that I better be prepared this time. While I am thinking that he will not make the same mistake twice. I wasn't the only one that was unhappy with the 'lack of' last time. We had hung out pretty much the whole week, only once making it to the bedroom for some extra cirricular activities. Then there we were Saturday night; a little buzzed; ALOT hot and heavy and BAM! The music heightens and then the moment of silence. I could have cried. Yes, once again there wasn't a condom to speak of. I get a bit irritated and pout like a child for a minute. Yes,I am brilliant. If I would have listened to ANY of my friends, I would have been prepared. So it's more twin air bed for us. His reasoning for not having any? His son goes through his things and he didn't want to have to explain. Not a great defense but, whatev. Not really going to change the situation by arguing.
I spent Sunday on the couch pouting about the whole ordeal, and generally over thinking the whole situation. In walks T and throws a box of condoms at me. Shakes her head and leaves.
Monday he brought some movies to me at work. At that point I thought things were going pretty good. Thought that maybe we would have one more chance to seal the deal before he left? I text after work and get nothing. Of course he is home getting ready for the long drive. Sure,packing the rest of the stuff he is taking.-V